THE LOST ART OF RELATIONSHIP
It was at this time that he had his first serious relationship with a girl that lasted three years. He broke up with her when he was in his third year of univer- sity, and found himself right back into the mix of trying to figure out the rest of his life, what his purpose was.
If you haven’t already figured it out, the boy in this story is me. It wasn’t until I was forty or forty-one when I discovered my real purpose in life. Through all of the different relationships, strict church upbringing, getting to know people from all walks of life and backgrounds, and struggling with my own insecurities (which I still struggle with even today), it became clear.
Relationships Are Messy
It takes a long time to figure out who you are, let alone how to be in a relationship with other people. There are so many worldviews, opinions, and stereotypes. Unfortunately, we are so divided as people. We allow our skin colors, backgrounds, belief systems, and views determine who we decide to agree with, spend time with, and be around. Our speech is laced with our own quirks, preju- dices, and preconceived notions. We judge people based on our experiences and allow our minds to go to places they shouldn’t without taking the time to get to know someone or letting that person’s behaviors speak for themselves.
All of us have experienced the pains of ridicule or not been given the benefit of the doubt in relationships. I’m sure we have been on the side of judging others before we get to know them, and have been both burned by someone in relationship and burned others in relationship.
A non-scientific poll was taken on Facebook by mutual friends, and the question was asked: “What areas of relationship have you struggled in or have been burned by?” Over sixty responses came in a matter of twenty-four hours, in public or by private message.
When it comes to what people struggle with in relationship, the majority of the struggles center around communication and boundaries (establishing and maintaining them, whether those boundaries are their own or others). Trust is another issue that stood out. Others included humility, commitment, transpar- ency, resentment, expectations, forgiveness, empathy, and being overly sensitive or aggressive.
People highlighted trust, respect, integrity, and authenticity as issues of impact when they were asked how they were burned in a relationship. Some were lied to, treated as inferior, abandoned, used, and weren’t recognized when they gave of themselves. Not being noticed or seen was another issue for some people.